How to Sell Differently When Selling to Women (What's Sex Got To Do With It?)

I was speaking to an audience of more than 600 at an expo in Las Vegas when I asked a rhetorical question: “Do you believe men and women are different?” A man sitting in the back took this as his opportunity to vent. He stood up and shouted, “Not just yes. Hell yes!” Obviously he was dealing with some issues he needed resolved, but in truth, his answer was as honest as it gets.

Of course men and women are different. But it wasn’t that long ago that America tried extremely hard to unisex the sexes. And it hasn’t been until the last decade that people are starting to bravely state the obvious: Men and women are different. “Different” is not a negative word. It doesn’t mean “less than” or “inadequate.” It simply means “not the same.”

If men and women differ in just about every arena we can imagine — emotionally, mentally and physically — is it really that much of a stretch to imagine men and women must shop differently, too?

Women’s Intuition

Selling is the art and skill of influence. Customers are more apt to be comfortable with, trust and be influenced by someone they perceive as similar to themselves. Men will trust based on facts, such as the number of years you’ve been in business or your reputation in the industry. When it comes to women, however, trust begins the moment she first sets eyes on you. Consider these six suggestions to help you establish respect and rapport with your female customers:

1. Always begin with a handshake. Taking her seriously as a customer means introducing yourself and shaking her hand. Be the first one to extend your hand, regardless of sex, age, power, nationality or disability. In today’s world, it’s simply common courtesy to extend your hand and introduce yourself. She wants the same respect you would afford a man, beginning with the way you meet and greet customers. In this brief, 15-second window of opportunity, everything matters to her. You’re under her microscope and your interpersonal skills are key.

Note: Always stand for the handshake. Should there be an obstacle between you and the other party, always walk around it to extend your hand. Eliminate as many physical barriers as possible.

2. Talk in the language of your customer. Not only should you “think” in your customer’s language, you should “talk” the language as well. Assume from the get-go that she is the decision-maker. Don’t ask to speak to the person “in charge.” Don’t withhold information that you think she is not privy to hear.

When it comes to conversation style, men have a challenge ahead. Women have a tendency to bounce around from topic to topic and connect all their thoughts in some way upon conclusion — or maybe not. It really doesn’t matter to women, as long as they were able to voice their ideas, concerns and thoughts. Contrast that to the way he talks about things, which seems to be in a very logical, systematic and progressive order.

Neither conversation style is right or wrong. It’s different — that’s all. But remember that women talk this way and typically shop this way, too, hopping from one product to another. She is using her peripheral vision for shopping, keeping in mind the entire year’s advertising program, and, should she find something that might apply down the road, there’s a very good chance she’ll buy it, too.

3. You are on stage, and she will notice and evaluate everything about you. She is not only hearing your words, she is reading your eye contact, body language, tone of voice, facial expression, delivery style, etc. Current research has demonstrated that females, on average, have a larger, deeper limbic system than males, which means women tend to be more observant overall. She will use all five senses when sizing up a situation. Physically speaking, women have keener senses than men, which means they’re more intuitive, emotional and observant. She looks at your head, your hair, your fingernails — and will remember every detail. And if everything she sees, senses and takes in doesn’t add up, earning her trust will be very difficult.

4. Ask more, tell less. Remember, this is not about you, it’s about her. She may be polite, but she doesn’t really care about your needs, nor does she have the time to listen to your problems. Avoid giving advice unless asked. Don’t push “should” on her (“You should do this” or “You should do that”). Watch the use of absolute terms such as “must,” “have to,” “never,” “always” and “absolutely,” which are commanding terms, not recommending terms. A slick, over-rehearsed spiel won’t work either. Come across as genuine and sincere, and she’ll be more receptive.

5. Fine-tune your listening skills. The No. 1 complaint women have about men is that they don’t listen. And the No. 1 complaint men have about women? They talk too much. Perhaps he’s listening but she simply can’t tell. So, to improve her perception of you, begin by using your face. Ask a group of men to reflect the following emotions on their face: concern, doubt, confusion, surprise, boredom, fascination and helplessness. OK, you should be getting the picture by now. Men, most of your faces never change. For any of you who have ever given a talk before large groups of people, you know a male audience is extremely difficult to read. You have no feedback from their necks on up.

Contrast that to the faces of women, who use 10 times more expressions than men. Women will respond to a speaker through facial expressions, verbal feedback and head-nodding. When a woman nods her head while you’re talking, she’s usually giving encouragement. It’s to say, “Go on. I’m listening.” Salesmen often presume that women are agreeing with them, when, in fact, they’re not.

6. Go slowly. When it comes to rapport-building with women, go slowly. It doesn’t happen in two minutes. Rapport and collaboration are generally more important to women than to men. Focus on opening the sale instead of closing the sale. If all you accomplish on your first interaction with your female customer is getting to know her and giving her a chance to get to know you, professionally and personally, then your first encounter can be called a success. n

Susan Carnahan delivers humorous, content-driven messages that motivate people to make long-term, meaningful changes. She has appeared on CNN Live as an authority on gender communication. She has also written several books, audio tapes and video training programs. To reach Carnahan, call 719.488.3048 or visit www.carnahanpresents.com.